Our co-founder Samantha talks about bird-nesting to the Evening Standard today
Bird-nesting, where couples retain the family home after separation so their children can stay put and they each alternate living in the family home or a nearby smaller property, is on the rise, and is the main feature in The Evening Standard’s Homes and Property section today.
Samantha spoke to the paper about why separating couples might be viewing this as the best option for their families, and the key legal issues to look out for.
‘“Five years ago, nesting was seen as really ‘out there’ and judges discouraged it, as they wanted the divorce to be a clean break, but it’s now more common.”
Woodham believes in an amicable approach to divorce and co-founded The Divorce Surgery, which sees couples share one lawyer when reaching a settlement. If her clients are considering birdnesting, Woodham’s job is to help them structure it legally and she cites several things that couples need to consider: “Are you planning to have joint names on the mortgage? You might need both incomes to have the mortgage in the first place, or does one of you own the family home and one owns the flat?”
As well as the big stuff, Woodham says you need to think about the mundane. “You need a parenting plan: who does the laundry and homework? What if one of you likes to whack up the heating? You need to work together in terms of house rules.”
For birdnesting to be a success, Woodham says both couples have to be fully committed to it. “It’s got to be unilateral. New relationships are often a trigger [for it ending] as you’re starting to move on.”
She suggests agreeing a minimum term, for example 24 months, after which, if one of you wants to exit it, you can make the arrangements.
“When you talk to couples who want it, it might not necessarily be for a super long time but it’s a transition. Catchment areas are important, if the kids are at a good state school; they’ll stay in the family home until the kids go to secondary school, others just need time to process. Two people getting divorced are not at the same stage — one might have been thinking about it for a while and be further along than the other one.”’
Thank you to Charlotte Duck and The Evening Standard for shining a spotlight on this and My Divorce Doula for sharing your personal experience which will be invaluable for others. It’s so important for separating couples to be aware of all their options. For some time, bird-nesting has been treated with some derision, but if it works for families, and provides the transition they need, then we should be helping families navigate it. There is no one size fits all when it comes to divorce.
You can read the full article here: Birdnesting: meet the Londoners | Evening Standard
Author Name: Editor
Published content by The Divorce Surgery Editorial Team.
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