Practical Advice When Disagreeing About Divorce
Disagreeing about divorce is not unusual. While one spouse may have made up their mind and decided that permanent separation is the only solution to resolve a broken relationship, their partner might not agree.
It can be difficult when a situation like this arises because one party in the marriage will often try to salvage the relationship and prevent divorce, while the other will be less inclined.
Should you find yourself facing such a reality — even if it is you who wants the divorce, and your partner doesn’t — the tips in this blog are designed to help you get through it.
If you do not want to divorce
There are things you can do to make the situation easier to deal with:
Talk to your partner
It’s important that you try to talk with your partner so you can better understand their decision. While you can offer to change any contributing behaviours they cite, be aware that your spouse is unlikely to change their mind.
By talking things through and understanding the reasons behind their decision, you can boost your chances of moving on successfully.
Ask them to be patient
Your partner’s decision may or may not come as a surprise to you. If it’s the latter, ask your partner to be patient and give you some time to come to terms with the situation. You’ll be experiencing a mix of emotions, including denial, hurt and anger, which is why it’s important for you to have some time to deal with them so the divorce can move forward in the most constructive way.
Remain realistic
Even though you do not want to divorce right now, it’s likely to be an inevitability. That’s why it’s best to start facing the reality that you will separate at some point. Doing so will best prepare you for when the time comes.
Focus on your self-worth
Everyone deserves a relationship which is balanced and happy. If this relationship isn’t working for one of you, then it isn’t working for either of you. Clinging on to a failing relationship will not bring you joy. Come to terms with the ending of this relationship and know that there is another, better and more fulfilling relationship in your future.
If your partner does not want to divorce
If you are adamant that you want to divorce, but your partner does not agree with your decision, these steps can make the situation easier:
Answer your partner’s questions
Your partner will want to know the reasons behind your decision to divorce. Help them come to terms with your decision by explaining clearly why you want the relationship to end. If your decision is final and there is zero chance of you changing your mind, tell them this.
Don’t blame your partner
It is hard to describe why you want a relationship to end without resorting to blame. But the reality is that neither of you have failed, it’s just that your relationship is no longer making you both happy. It can be helpful to get an impartial third party in the room to help with these sensitive conversations. Don’t be afraid to see a separation counsellor together as this may be just what you need to start the divorce in the right way.
Give your partner time
If you’ve decided to divorce, it’s likely you’ve been thinking about the situation and your decision for a while. That means you are already further ahead of your partner in the process. Understand this and give them the time they need to move forward.
Take small, practical steps
By taking small, practical steps, you can help your partner slowly come to terms with your decision and ease their journey. For example, alternative living arrangements can help your partner realise how serious your decision to divorce is.
Protect your children
Finally, if you have children, please do everything you can to protect them during the divorce process. Don’t involve your children in any of your and your partner’s conversations, especially if your reason for doing so is to try to get them on your side.
Remember: the responsibility for your relationship, including getting divorced or trying to save it, lies with you and your partner, not your children.
If you have more questions about this topic or any other legal issues arising on divorce or separation, please do get in touch as we are always happy to help. You can call us on 0203 488 4475 or email contact@thedivorcesurgery.co.
Author Name: Editor
Published content by The Divorce Surgery Editorial Team.
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