The Importance of Involving Children In Decisions About Them
One of the key criticisms of family justice is that it is too parent-centric: huge amounts of time and money can be spent exploring and litigating the views of parents, and yet the person who will be influenced most by any judge’s decision is the child. Family judges are keen to involve children in these decisions which so pressingly involve their futures, and for older children one of the ways this can be achieved is the judge writing to the child at the end of the case. A powerful example of such a letter is set out in the case of A Letter to a Young Person [2017] EWFC 48 in which Peter Jackson LJ published the letter he wrote to a 14 year old boy called Sam explaining why he had decided not to endorse his father’s proposed move with him to Scandinavia.
We now have a further example from the recent case of Ms D v Mr D [2022] EWFC 164, in which Recorder John McKendrick KC published (in anonymised form) a letter he had written to two brothers, aged 11 and 8, explaining why he had not sanctioned their mother’s proposed move from London to Somerset. It’s a short letter which is beautifully pitched, and rather than quote from it we’ve set it out in full below.
If anything letters like these focus the mind on the importance, if at all possible, for parents to work together, provided it is safe to do so. Or, as the children in this case put it: to “stop the crap”.
The key is finding a way to involve your children without them feeling that they are stuck in the middle, or needing to choose between your two proposals, or just telling each of you what they think you want to hear. Engaging a co-parenting professional, who is qualified to work with children, can be a game changer for some families, as it involves their child in the decision in an age appropriate and neutral way.
RECORDER JOHN MCKENDRICK QC
CENTRAL FAMILY COURT
LONDON
30 August 2022
Dear [A] and [B],
My name is John and I am a judge. I met your Mum and Dad at court in London last week. Your mum and dad have asked me to make decisions for you both about where you should live.
Your Mum asked me to decide that you should both come and live with her in Somerset and see your Dad only every second weekend and at holidays. Mum wants you to go to schools in Somerset.
Your Dad asked me to decide that things should stay as they are. That you spend one week with him and the other week with your Mum in London. Dad wants you to go to schools in London.
I think you met a lady called Shelley in July and you told her what you wanted. She told me you both liked the idea of living with your Mum in Somerset. Shelley spoke to me as well last week.
I hope you both understand that I have made the decision and not your Mum or your Dad. Judges sometimes have to make decisions when parents cannot agree.
I have decided you should both continue to live in London with one week in the care of your Dad and then one week in the care of your mum. This means you will both go to school in London from next week. I have decided you should have nice holidays in Somerset and I will speak with your Mum and Dad again to sort that out.
I have made this decision after considering who you both are, what you both need and things like your education, happiness and your welfare. I have decided you need each other – I think you are good brothers to each other. I also think you need to spend time with your Mum and with your Dad. They both need to play an important role in caring for you. I was worried your Dad might not have a full and proper role in your lives if you lived in Somerset. Looking at all these things in the round I felt this was the best decision for your both, although of course I considered what you both wanted.
I have also asked your Mum and Dad to behave a bit better. I know you both find the arguing that happens between them difficult. Although it is a naughty word, [A], you are right to describe it to Shelley as “crap”. I have told your parents to stop “the crap”.
I hope you can both settle down with the new school term with week about with Mum and Dad in your London homes. I hope you will enjoy nice holidays in Somerset. I wish you both good luck.
Judge John
Author Name: Editor
Published content by The Divorce Surgery Editorial Team.
Related Posts
