Children Checklist

This checklist is designed for families where there are no safety concerns. If you believe you, or your child, are at risk please do urgently seek advice on your own from a family solicitor, the police and/or social services. The Family Courts are there to protect you.

Discussions with the children:

• • Having decided you are separating, if you have children and if they don’t know already have you both agreed when and how you are going to tell them? Have you agreed what support the children will need?
  • If you’re in new relationships which are likely to endure, have you decided when and how you are going to tell the children? Have you each met each other’s new partners?
  • Do you need some help navigating these conversations (many parents do)?

Childcare arrangements (whether you are living together or apart):

• • This is not the time to be making knee-jerk long-term plans. Focus on the next three months.
  • How are you going to manage the day-to-day care of your children, ensuring they spend meaningful time with each of you (provided that is safe), and fitting around your respective work and life commitments?
  • Focus on logistics: who can cover the school runs/ weekend activities on which days. This is short term: just concentrate on practicalities while you work on a longer term plan.

 Special occasions:

• • Are there any special occasions coming up in the next 2-3 months (such as birthdays, school events, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, Easter, Eid, Diwali or Passover)? If so, you will need to agree how you are going to manage those in a way which works for your children.

 Holidays:

• • Are there any school holidays coming up? Have you agreed what the plans are?
  • Are you both happy for the other parent to take your children abroad?
  • Are there any countries you would not want the children to visit for safety reasons?
  • Can you agree to give each other notice and details of any foreign trip?

Communication:

• • Many children want to speak to one parent when they are in the care of the other. How will you manage this? Can it be ad hoc or do you want to agree a routine? Remember to be flexible- the needs of human beings don’t always fit into set schedules.
  • When are you going to talk about your children together? Some parents find a monthly coffee, scheduled in the diary, is a good way to cover any parenting issues which arise.
  • How is your behaviour with each other in front of your children? Are there ways you can try to improve your co-parenting relationship yourselves? If not consider going to see a co-parenting expert together, even just for one session, to get things in better shape.

Other important decisions:

• • Are you approaching any important decisions which will affect your children, for instance school choices? Identify any differences of opinion now so you can make a plan for how you are going to navigate them, and any support you might both need.

THE DIVORCE SURGERY

The law is stated as at March 2023