How To Start Working Together

If you’re agreed that you want to work together, and it’s safe for you to do so, it’s then a three step process:

1. Identify, in the broadest terms, what your aims are with regards to your re-shaped family. For example, for your children to move happily between your homes, for you both to attend the same school events without awkwardness, to be a source of support for each other as your children face challenges of their own, to re-define your relationship from an intimate adult connection which wasn’t working, to a co-parenting bond which does.
2. Work out what is on the agenda for discussion. A great way to start this is working through a parenting plan. Remember it’s normal not to agree. All you’re doing here is working out the areas where you’re aligned, and those where you aren’t.
3. Agree how to resolve your differences of opinion. You have many more options than you may realise. Some parents need a session or two with a co-parenting expert. Some benefit from some joint legal advice, to understand what family judges view as ‘normal’, and what they might do in their particular situation. You may want to see separate solicitors. You may feel you don’t need legal advice but want a mediator to help you negotiate with each other, or a divorce coach to support you. There are also online services which can help. We explore these options more fully in our course ‘What about the law relating to children’ but for now know this: you should choose the expertise to fit your family, and not the other way round.