You do not need a court order confirming the arrangements for your children’s care. In this respect, it is very different from any agreement you reach about the division of your finances (which does need to be reflected in a court order to be binding). It’s a good idea to set out your agreement in writing, and many parents draw up a parenting plan together so they are both clear about what they’ve agreed, but there is no need at all for the court to see that document or approve it.
But for some co-parents, an understanding of what a judge might do in their situation can be helpful in reaching an agreement.
If you believe that your safety or your child’s safety is at risk, seek independent legal advice urgently. The courts have many protective powers and are there to safeguard you. Working together is not appropriate if your physical or emotional safety is at risk.